first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
