I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
