I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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