There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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