drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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