Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
