he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
