What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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