Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
