Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
