smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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