girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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