At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
