wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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