There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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