i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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