I wish I could teleport
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
