don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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