He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Someone came in the potted fern
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
