She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
