I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
