I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
