I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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