Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
