I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
