im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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