im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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