Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
