dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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