He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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