booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize