We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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