Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
