my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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