Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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