You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
