Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
