i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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