i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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