wrigley field is MILF paradise
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
