Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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