Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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