I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
