Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
