You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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