TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
