Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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