He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
