did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
