Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
high people should be assigned attendants
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
