I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize