When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
