She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
