So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
