dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
