ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
