I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
