Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
my liver is dry heaving
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
