i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
