Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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