I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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