your thong is hanging out like whoa
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
