Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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