He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize