Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
