shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
