we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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