I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
