My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
