I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
